maybe it's rapture

“He remained annoyed with himself until he realized that not knowing what he wanted was actually quite natural.
We can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come.
Was it better to be with Tereza or to remain alone?
There is no means of testing which decision is better, because there is no basis for comparison. We live everything as it comes, without warning, like an actor going on cold. And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself?
If we have only one life to live, we might as well not have lived at all.”

—

Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

I got halfway through this book about two years ago before something, I’m still not quite sure what, compelled me to stop. And now I’m compelled to read it again and I know that this isn’t going to be the last time I read it either.