maladeleine asked: i constantly compare my life to everyone else's and it makes living as myself seem a whole lot shittier than it probably is and i don't know how to stop. i just want to be slightly verging on somewhat satisfied with my life in the moment. how the fuck do i do that?
Stop looking at other people like there’s some kind of universal unit of measurement for happiness, because there’s not. What’s making your buddies happy isn’t necessarily going to make you happy, so you’ve gotta take more opportunities to look at yourself and what you have the power to change in your life, and then start toying around with that. Who do you want to be? How do you want to get there?
It’s easier said than done, but start checking yourself when you’re comparing. If you’re looking at someone’s really nice thing or relationship or situation or whatever, and feel yourself starting to feel shitty about yourself as a result, a little red strobe light should go off in your brain and you should think “Ahhh! This doesn’t matter!” over all of your thoughts until they go away. I know that’s probably just replacing one anxiety behavior with another, but that’s what I do and I’m still breathing. Ahh! This doesn’t matter! This doesn’t matter! This doesn’t matter! Until eventually, “Ooh, I’d love a ham sandwich,” or, “Later tonight let’s watch Blackfish,” falls into your brain and you’re back on your way.
Right now you have some river valleys that you’ve carved out over time that you know how to send your thoughts down. When you see a thing, you have a reflex, and it’s easy to keep repeating because you’ve done it so much. You just have to divert those rivers and carve out some new valleys. Dig into some fresh brainspace. Be the dam you want to see in the world.
When you catch yourself comparing, acknowledge it (“Oh, here is this icky thing I do. I’m doing it now.”), accept it (“I know this is a thing I do, and I am not a piece of evil garbage for doing it. It is very normal.”) and then give your thoughts somewhere else to go. Get into shipbuilding. Explore this queer earth.